Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
