Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
