Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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