Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
