STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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