I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
