I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Is Oprah even human
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
there is puke in my bra ... again
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
