you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
