your parents love me but you hate me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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