his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
