Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
