Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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