Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
