pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
