U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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