i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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