I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
