bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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