so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
