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Fuck
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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