Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
