Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
