Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
