I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
