i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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