Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Randomize
