the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
