It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
