dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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