My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
