last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize