I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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