sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
