I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
