I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
