I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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