I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
