i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
