So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
