Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
