you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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