I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
