o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
