headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize