so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
