too bad you live with your parents still
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Your penis caused this!
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