First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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