its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
