: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
