Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
