hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
