Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
