remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
