It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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