Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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