just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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