two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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