Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
