I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
