there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have aggressive nipples.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
