He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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