I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
