Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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